Dec 30th
Yes, I had become one (NO! Not self proclaimed, but was made into one!).
After a hectic jobless week in the office, Friday was a welcome relief (Mmmm). It was the last working day of the year and Sunday would welcome New Year and I was on my way to
Life couldn’t be better- I was on time to the railway station to catch my train, tickets booked months in advance, I’d bought all the items my mom had asked me to, the activities for the weekend were perfectly scheduled. Well, just like my LG laptop, Life’s Good!
Everything became hazy or feel good factor waned away when a handicapped beggar arrived (The bugger who cleans the floor for alms). I was in no mood to donate or rather remained aloof about the whole issue of giving alms (Well, the debate of whether to contribute or not was being conducted within myself was never over… I used to be the guy, who used to do it, but sometime back when the debate started, I never did give alms, as the debate was never won conclusively!).
And by the way I forgot to mention that the coach I boarded also had my college senior (meeting him after 4years) with his fiancé and their relatives. To my surprise there was also another girl (when am I going to stop the practice of addressing woman as ‘girl’ instead of ‘lady’?) seated near the window whom I never recognized as my office colleague (I finally did, when I asked her to switch on the fan, but she stared at and kept nodding at me. I thought what the crap?! Then finally realised I played stupid!).
The stage was set, and the conversation began, I had to maintain a conversation with the senior and my colleague (It was after a long time that I’d met her!). All was smooth till the beggar arrived to our part!
He kept begging and no one ever had the slightest intention of stopping his cribbing! And there came the biggest shock! It was over in a flash. (As the famous quote goes: Vini, Vidi, Vici) He came, He begged and He spat on me and sped! I was clueless or rather dumbstruck and so were the others!
It was not the embarrassment (partly), but ‘why me?’ was the question! Like the Matrix, I was the chosen one! Yeah, the bugger beggar chose me as though it was written all over me “Inge thuppum idam!” (spit here)! I was at the time thinking of Physics- The angle, trajectory and the initial velocity were near to perfection that I was bathed in his saliva and I became, thereafter, Saliva Collector!
On analysis with all the others near me, I think I started when it was Yemakandam time! Enna partha yellorukkum kenai mathiri theriyuthu! What to do?!
Further thinking on various stuffs, I recalled a conversation with my mom over the phone (It was after the shoot out at the Bangalore IISc, a prof was killed)
She calls and says “Kanna… Have a shave and go out tomorrow”. Well, how do I interpret it? I had a beard and I (assumed) looked like a scientist, but when my mom called, I was not sure whether she does not want me to be mistaken for a scientist or a terrorist?! Thus I spate!
Of all he people, why did the beggar chose me as the porikki? Meanwhile there were police entering every coach. Two escorts in each. And the fun began, people started to pull my leg- They started to advise me to be in good behaviour even though my appearance was not at all pleasing thus, I can be mistook for a terrorist (Oh I forgot to say this: I was having a hair style which looked like a week after tonsure! It added more spice to the appearance. Perfect!)
Everyone had a very good time, I enjoyed entertaining these people, but the thing does not vanish out my mind, why and how I became one (Koothula Komali?! Nope, Saliva Collector...). Perhaps I made a mistake, as soon as I’d entered the coach I should have climbed onto the upper berth, that way he never would have had a chance to reach me. Either, thanks to gravity, it would have sprayed on him or onto others, who would have been the potential target! Blimey! Wait a sec, God could have played a foul game and his saliva would still have reached me, after all it was never my day! I was destined to be Yaecha Porikki!
And finally when I reached
A friend of mine recieved a message in his mobile (Airtel, Madras) "Commissioner of Police - Help us to protect you. Wish you a happy, safe and prosperous 2006" - Damage complete!
Comments
But I do have to admit I have never been besmirked by a beggar. Kudos man !
Well dont worry such incidents happen to lots of people. Talking about spit, when I was working for American Express it involved talking to atleast 50 strangers everyday. And trust me, a majority of them stink and spit when they talk. I used to run after the conversation to the loo to wash my face. It was like a spit rain that came in consequent intervals. Oh well that reached the right spot on her face..oh no it is drying, now for a fresh one..this time bigger and better. The only thing that used to protect my face was the mosturiser that dab on early in the morning. And there was some logic of looking straight into the client's eyes during the promotion. And I could not even deflect my gaze to see the damage.
One particular incident involved a person's dirt from the nose. I had signed him up for a promotion and when he was signing the document slowly and steadily something flies on to the documet that I am holding. Yew..it was the dirt from his nose. I did not know how to react. He just looked up and apologised. When he was doing so all I could notice was the left over dirt on his nose that was protruding. Well those were some of the unpleasant experiences. I can now share the stand with you. I think.